Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
