You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
