i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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