Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize