Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
