pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
