I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Congratulations! We have a period
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
