Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
