my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
