You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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