Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
