Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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