I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
