my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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