chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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