Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
