Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
