My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
