I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
