her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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