I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
