this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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