Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
