once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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