I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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