We're facebook friends in real life
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
