Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
