YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
