you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
