That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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