I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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