You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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