just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
