sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
