im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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