Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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