I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
