I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You need Xanax blowdarts
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
