Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
