Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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