I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
