id be glad to
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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