Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
