Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
