Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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