happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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