If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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