9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
