dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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