dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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