haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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