I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
