Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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