All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Everyone says I win the strip club
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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