Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
