Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
