You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
