I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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