so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
