He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
