After last night, I could never be a politician.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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