to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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