I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
