i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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