I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
