you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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