Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize