I hate all girls vehemently.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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