We're facebook friends in real life
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
