I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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