3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
