Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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